


Terrorizing the normie

by DyedViolet



Series: And the World Never Knew [2]
Category: Assassination Classroom
Genre: Gen, chatfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-29
Updated: 2020-06-29
Packaged: 2021-03-04 01:15:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,588
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24975199
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DyedViolet/pseuds/DyedViolet
Summary: Okay so confession time: I've had this in my drafts for... a While. Finally decided that I should go ahead and post this, then finish the fic that gives context for a few lines in here. Sorry for taking a year to do this, but now I'm accountable for future updates!
Series: And the World Never Knew [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1412077
Comments: 3
Kudos: 74





	Terrorizing the normie

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so confession time: I've had this in my drafts for... a While. Finally decided that I should go ahead and post this, then finish the fic that gives context for a few lines in here. Sorry for taking a year to do this, but now I'm accountable for future updates!

**Yuma Isogai created Assassination Classroom**

**Yuma Isogai added 30+ members to Assassination Classroom**

Karma Akabane: ah excellent

**Karma Akabane changed their name to Prez**

**Prez changed Nagisa Shiota's name to Snek**

**Prez changed Kaede Kayano's name to Katnis Everdeen**

Yuma Isogai: Karma no

Prez: No

Tomohito Sugino: wasn't isogai the class prez though? shouldn't his name be prez?

**Prez changed Yuma Isogai's name to Goldfish**

Prez: president of the world is more powerful than class prez

**Prez changed Tomohito Sugino's name to Basicball**

Basicball: oh ok

Basicball: Hey! what's with my name!?

Goldfish: will I ever live that down?

**Prez changed Assassination Classroom to AssClass**

Hinano Kurahashi: Nope!

**Prez changed Hinano Kurahashi's name to Moth**

Yukiko Kanzaki: No

**Prez changed Yukiko Kanzaki's name to Gamer**

Kirara Hazana: that event will mar your soul to the day you enter the grave

**Prez changed Kirara Hazana's name to Sasuke**

Yuzuki Fuwa: Hey! Karma stop giving other people the anime and manga references!

**Prez changed Yuzuki Fuwa's name to Naruto**

Naruto: Welp! Hazana it looks like we're dating now

Sasuke: Hm. That type of positive emotional commitment is beyond my desires at the moment. I'll fake-date you for a cosplay, though, as long as I get to be as goth or gother than Sasuke.

Naruto: sweet!

Ryoma Terasaka: isogai youre always gonna be our goldfish

**Prez changed Ryoma Terasaka's name to Meat Shield**

Rio Nakamura: Haha nice

**Prez changed Rio Nakamura's name to Vice Prez**

Vice Prez: Sweet! It's cause I'm your partner in crime forever and always (no hetero)?

Prez: absolutely! I'd want no one but the best working for me~

Goldfish: That's nice. Is anyone going to say I'm more than the goldfish incident?

Itona Horibe: I wasn't even there but no

**Prez changed Itona Horibe's name to E-Boy**

E-Boy: I hate this. Why.

Prez: cause you're good with electronics! (・｀ω´・)

Ritsu: Unfortunately, Isogai, no.

**You cannot change a bot's name**

Ristu: You've been thwarted!

Prez: Darn. Even if I'm president of the world?

Ritsu: I'm president of all the electronics in the world!

Prez: ya got me there.

Tadaomi Karasuma: Karma, if you're insinuating that you aim to become a world dictator, I'll have to report you.

Prez: no sir, i'm just president of the chat! (ര̀ᴗര́*)

Basicball: A year of being taught by this man. A full year of knife fights and mountain parkour. And THIS is the first time I've seen him make a joke.

Tadaomi Karasuma: I wasn't joking.

**Prez changed Tadaomi Karasuma's name to Hardass**

Katnis Everdeen: explain my name please?

Prez: girl on fire

Katnis Everdeen: HFJALDJJFBDJSKDJFI OKAY VALID

Snek: … I'm afraid to ask about mine

Prez: you strike like a viper, but you're too short for a five letter nickname

Snek: gee, thanks.

Irina Jelavić: C'mon Nagisa! My star pupil isnt gonna take that lying down!

**Prez changed Irina Jelavić's name to Jelabitch**

Jelabitch: let that name die already 

**Jelabitch changed their name to Legally Blonde**

**Prez changed Legally Blonde's name to Illegally Blonde**

Illegally Blonde: hey! I work for the government now I'm legal

Prez: but when WE met you?

Illegally Blonde: Fine. This name can stay.

Maehara Hiroto: lol on some levels our entire class was illegal

Maehara Hiroto: hey wait. Karasuma is the assasination still classified?

**Prez changed Maehara Hiroto’s name to Knife rabbit**

Hardass: Technically no, but don't go around telling just anyone.

Prez: oh, perfect~

Knife rabbit: wtf is my nickname?

Prez: you used knives and Playboy

Prez: anyways! Ritsu, if you would?

**Ritsu added Gakushu Asano to AssClass**

Gakushu Asano: I can only assume that this chat is for the former 3-E. Why am I here.

Prez: Hello student council president~! I'd like to propose a little game~

Gakushu Asano: Give me a single worthwhile reason why I should even hear out your proposal.

Prez: I'll double your offer! First, it'll be a chance for you to find out about what we did all year. Second, I'll restrain myself from bestowing a nickname upon you.

Goldfish: seriously, that second one is worth it.

E-Boy: don't let him claim another victim

Gakushu Asano: Fine. Lay the rules out for me.

Prez: It's simple, really~. We, of class 3-E, get to use whatever nonsensical phrasing we so choose to explain whatever details we wish from that year. Karasuma here, upon request, will verify what is true and discredit what is false.

Hardass: yo

Gakushu Asano: This all seems too simple. What's the catch?

Prez: you're going to read some weird, weird things.

Basicball: lets give him an easy one to start. our class, up until recently, was a state secret.

Naruto: Karasuma wasn't even our homeroom teacher, he just did PE

Gakushu Asano: Please, don't bother trying to make me believe falsehoods in the first round. 

Hardass: They're true.

Meat Shield: he taught us knife fighting and parkour

Vice Prez: we used the parkour to injure a senior citizen

Prez: Do you understand now, Asano~?(*-`ω´- )人

Gakushu Asano: While this is of a different nature than I had assumed, it is still an entirely plausible occurrence.

Katnis Everdeen: I had evil jiggle knives attached to my brain stem

E-Boy: I also had evil jiggle knives attached to my brain stem

Ritsu: Koro sensei was made of jiggle knives

Snek: Koro sensei was scheduled to explode on our graduation date. He also exploded before our graduation date.

Hardass: All true except the last thing, could you elaborate Nagisa?

Snek: the island resort at the chapel. ultimate defense form.

Hardass: Ah yes. All true.

Gakushu Asano: Surely you're neglecting to tell me a critical piece of information that explains all of this. Was it a year-long literature project? A game you all played?

Prez: LOL you can hear his sense of reality shattering.

Sasuke: In the back of the room, tacked to the board on plain cardstock, over and over again repeated a single word in darkest ink.

Gakushu Asano: And? How does this next entry to your list of mountain school ghost stories end?

Sasuke: That's it. It was a pretty simple piece of life in 3-E, I just wanted to make it sound ominous.

Gamer: the word was tentacle. tentacles were a running theme.

Ritsu: At the island resort, we had to fight a man that drank soup with a gun

Prez: I fought a different guy and put wasabi up his nose!

Gakushu Asano: Akabane, for once your anecdote is the least surprising.

Prez: he admits to being surprised!（＾ω＾）

Snek: I tazed an army man

Basicball: army man previously gave us sweets before trying to steal karasuma's job

Moth: We invited soup gun man to our cafe during the culture festival. He said that our food made his gun taste delicious!

Meat Shield: soup gun man and friends are assassins

Gamer: most of the people we invited to out cafe were assassins

Goldfish: if they weren't assassins, they were kindergarteners or the old man we injured with parkour

E-Boy: two thirds of our teachers were assassins 

Snek: Assassins are real, one taught me how to french behind the school building

Illegally Blonde: dont use me for your ripoff mothman memes

Hardass: still all true

Gakushu Asano: Okay, a lot happened around you during that year, a lot of it unsavory and worth covering up. These events were inflicted upon you and for that you have a single sympathy of mine.

Naruto: oh no, we were active participants in all this

Sasuke: we had as many guns and knives as we had pencils

Ritsu: I'm actually a sentient AI that was developed in order to kill Koro Sensei. Now I'm on the whole class's phones and downloading myself onto yours!

Gakushu Asano: I verified that last one. Can I delete you?

Ritsu: Nope!

Vice Prez: we had a civil war–not to the death, but as a matter of life and death

Katniss Everdeen: I was our teacher's mother.

Hardass: True on technicality, I was there when you explained your reasoning.

Prez: Ritsu, be a dear and send me the codes to Asano's security system~!

Ritsu: Magic word?

Gakushu Asano: the magic word is dont dogjskslfnwk

Ritsu: I'm on his screen now so he can't type! His taste in music is boring and apparently he wears glasses.

Prez: Please Ritsu? (*_ _)人

Prez: Thank you~~~!!

Ritsu: Anything in an effort to teach you manners!

Basicball: man this is why i love Ritsu, she's so sweet and so savage at the same time.

Vice Prez: tbh we all love Ritsu

Naruto: Ritsu best girl of Ass Class.

Goldfish: agreed. i believe i speak on everyone's behalf for that.

Gakushu Asano: Do you really want to repeat the incident that badly?

Katniss Everdeen: Incident?

Prez: Long story short he dropped the word and I ended up setting off the alarms while kidnapping him

E-Boy: understandable

Moth: yeah I get it. Was that why you had to raise your hand at the last meeting?

Prez: yea

Sasuke: Speaking of, Nagisa, have you rethought your life decisions in light of what you brought up at that meeting?

Snek: I have decided that multiclassing is my ideal career path

Gamer: Yay! Good for you Nagisa, you were always the best in class. Doing anything to build up your strength for it?

Gakushu Asano: Best at what? What are you doing in addition to teaching?

Snek: I'm doing karate now. I faced off against the master at the local dojo, and they said I broke their record for fastest defeat (???whatever that means). I still have to start as a white belt though since I wasn't technically using martial arts to win

Manami Okuda: I started martial arts too! Maybe we can practice together.

Snek: yeah sounds good.

Manami Okuda: I'm gonna leave before Karma can change my name. Add me back next time something interesting happens.

**Manami Okuda has left Ass Class**

Prez: Boo! I was almost done typing it in! (´；ω；`)

**Gakuho Asano** **has entered Ass Class**

Gakuho Asano: Somebody broke my record for fastest defeat at the local dojo. Would any of you care to tell me why I suspect it was one of you?

**Prez changed Gakuho Asano's name to Ass, uh, No**

Ass, uh, No: Is this really necessary? I already had my redemption arc.

Meat Shield: your redemption arc had grenades in it

Naruto: and only koro sensei really knew your backstory, so

Ass, uh, No: To be fair, only one of them was fatal to you all, and no one was killed because of it.

Gakushu Asano: Who is this koro sensei you all keep mentioning?!

Ass, uh, No: … Son.

Hardass: Don't worry, sir, the events at class 3-E are no longer considered classified. All evidence has been destroyed and it is a crazy enough story that the public would dismiss it as a conspiracy theory. The children are simply teasing Gakushu by dropping hints here and there.

Ass, uh, No: Well, if a member of the ministry of defense says so.

Gakushu Asano: He works for the GOVERNMENT? The GOVERNMENT was in on all this nonsense?!

Ass, uh, No: Moving on. Who broke my record.

Snek: Me, sir. And to be fair, I also beat you to using a grenade in class.

Meat Shield: my idea!!!

Ass, uh, No: I should have known.

Ass, uh, No: May I ask again to have by name restored?

Prez: got no ass

Ass, uh, No: Very well.

**Ass, uh, No has left AssClass**

Gakushu Asano: This game has gone off the rails, I'm supposed to be getting answers and yet I'm being ignored.

Goldfish: oops. Folks, gameplan for wrapping this up since we're getting distracted?

Moth: Let's see~. tell him the crown jewel of our weirdness and then let him know what the original circumstances were?

E-Boy: yeah 

Meat Shield: sounds good

Prez: Approved~!

Gakushu Asano: Please, hurry up and say what the most unbelievable part of this is so I can put it behind me.

Snek: we became space pirates as a field trip

Prez: Voltron can suck it, we did it first!

Gakushu Asano: That can't be true. Junior high students shouldn't be able to do that. Karasuma, please say its false.

Hardass: It's true, though I'd phrase it slightly differently.

Gakushu Asano: That's it. I'm dlne. No more of this madness.

Prez: Typos! We did it team!☆（ゝω●）

Vice Prez: Don't you want to know what really happened, though~?

Gakushu Asano: Fine. Fuck all of you.

Prez: (◐ω◑ )

Prez: Nagisa, you do the honors.

Snek: Two weeks into the year, the government came to our class with a giant octo-man. He was a super creature that claimed to be the one to destroy the moon, and threatened to do the same to the earth unless he got to teach our class. He and the government worked out a deal where he wasn't allowed to harm us while teaching, and in exchange only we were allowed to try killing him to save the world. Kayano named him Koro sensei as a pun because his tentacles, superhuman intellect, and mach 20 speed made him seemingly unkillable. 

Gakushu Asano: I hate that after everything else you've said, this is an easy pill to swallow.

Prez: oh no, he's not done

Snek: After a while of failed assassinations and fun times together, we learned that he used to be a human assassin that was experimented on. The moon blew up because a similar experiment on a mouse went wrong, and Koro Sensei had limited time until the same happened to him. On our space field trip, we found out the chances of it happening had dropped to one percent, so we spent our last month focusing on school. Then the government tried their own last resort assassination. We broke in through their blockades to have a birthday party for Koro Sensei, but then his old student and the scientist appeared to kill him, both with tentacle upgrades. Koro sensei defeated them, and then, because he knew that even if he didn't blow up, the government would never allow him to live in peace, he asked us to kill him instead of letting the space laser do it. We cried a lot, spent the night, and that's why we showed up to graduation in our combat gear.

Katniss Everdeen: still miss him

Moth: still miss him

Naruto: we'll never forget him

Meat Shield: how could we with those giant personalized life guides he left us

Snek: I really miss him

Ritsu: It's okay Nagisa. We all miss him lots, and at least half of us here are crying alongside you.

Prez: who said anyone was crying 

Gakushu Asano: I hate to be insensitive, but you all basically lived through a manga. And it's all real. This is hard for even me to process.

Naruto: I know it's great isnt it. We still mostly live like manga protags.

Gakushu Asano: Does… "AssClass" stand for assassination classroom? 

Vice Prez: you done it. You cracked the code.

Illegally Blonde: did we get a new recruit? Bring him along on your next escapade, I wanna join in and see how he handles it. 

Gakushu Asano: Whom?

Basicball: yay! escapade with Bitch sensei!

Snek: the one that kissed me behind the school

Illegally Blonde: Those skills have served you well, Nagisa

Katniss Everdeen: can vouch, would be dead if not for kissing skills

Gakushu Asano: I thought the game was over?

Prez: it is. this is just your life now. 

Prez: (ಡωಡ)


End file.
